Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Seriously behind. As I write this I should be on Day 61. I am currently beginning Day 44. That is 18 days behind. Ugh.
(Funny. I thought when I reached the half way point I would feel very encouraged. Instead I'm discouraged with myself.)
I have thought many times about writing an update on how things are going. And each time I've thought about it I've lost the motivation, or more accurately, allowed other things to distract me.
Then Saturday there was a conversation with a real-life friend who asked "How's the reading going?" It wasn't a critical question. It was just a friend asking how things were going. She listened. She understood why this challenge was becoming more difficult. She did not judge.
Then yesterday there was a whisper in my ear- it was a tweet from Mom's Toolbox. She asked those of us who are bloggers to write a check-in post. She said that she'd be "cleaning up" the list soon. Hmmm. That had sort of an ominous tone in my head...
"I could just not post and quietly slip out of the challenge," I thought. "I would just disappear off the list and I'm sure few would notice. I could just continue reading as I have been - a few pages every day. I'll eventually finish, it probably won't be in 90 days. But, I'll finish."
But, somehow as the day progressed I didn't want to just quietly slip away. I've done that before. It's the lazy way out. I'm good at using the lazy way out. But, I also have a growing hatred of that characteristic of mine. I started this challenge because I felt God calling me to do something I'd never done before. He was calling me to read ALL of the Bible.
Then, this morning as I contemplated what I would write, I read this post from Erin at Closing Time. And this post about her frustrations with how things are going. I was teary while I was reading. I could have written that first post myself. It says exactly what I've been thinking and feeling ... discouraged ... embarrassed ... frustrated with myself.
And yet, at the same time not wanting to give up. Not wanting to just read a few pages every day and move on to the other stack of books I want to read. There have been days, especially recently, when I really wanted a good 30 minute prayer time with God. But, reading for 1 - 1½ hours each day, just hasn't allowed me to fit another 30 minutes of prayer into a 24 hour day.
But there is this task, this challenge, that I was called to. A task I accepted and started.
One of the last things I need in my life is another unfinished task.
So, I'm continuing on. I'm continuing the race even as my spiritual and emotional muscles are begging me to stop.
I am continuing.