Sunday, March 1, 2009

Loving God

A few weeks ago I posted my confession, that I do not love God (that post has since been removed for privacy reasons). I did not publicize that post. In fact I published it on a Sunday when I thought fewer people would be likely to read it! I was much too nervous about how people would respond. I did tell my husband. And through the network of blogs several others have discovered that post. I am amazed at how encouraging folks have been. It's very comforting.

In late January I had received some information from Moms In Touch. I still haven't read all the information they sent me; but there were two pieces that impacted me tremendously. One was a prayer guide for our children. It uses several scripture verses to guide the way we pray for our children. The other was a booklet by Fern Nichols. The biggest impact for me was her personal testimony. She talked about how she began to pray that God would make her into a woman of prayer, and that she would learn to pray through the Scriptures. She made a list of what she asked God to do in her life. And she prayed. She prayed for these same things many times.

That really clicked with me. It inspired me. It made me want what she had. I think it was also part of what made me realize that I don't love God, not as I should. Not as He wants me to. I determined that at the very least, even if I didn't love God, I could at least pray for love. And so I posted my confession. And with that post, I prayed that God would make me a woman who loves him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength. Despite my misgivings about the whole blogosphere knowing my confession, I was quite earnest in my prayer.

Shortly after that post I determined that I would spend time with God on a regular basis. I decided that I would spend the hour after my daughter leaves for school (9:30-10:30) in reading my Bible and in prayer. I can say that I've made a little progress. Since the time of that post I have had a good quiet time of reading my Bible and praying at least 2-3 times per week. That isn't where I think it should be, but it is progress. And, I've made my own list.

Each time I sit down, to pray, I pray:
  • that I will love God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind.
  • that I will love my neighbor as myself.
  • that I will become a woman of prayer
  • that God will remove obstacles to me loving Him and praying daily/constantly
  • that I will learn to pray through Scripture
  • that I will communicate to others what God teaches me.
I am warily pleased with where things are. I have meditated often on what it means; what does it look like to love God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind? I am still exploring. I am still searching for answers. There will be more to this journey. I am hopeful and I am grateful for the discoveries I have made and the encouragement I have received.

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